The boys and I are effectively 'benched': Too cold, too icy, too snowy and treacherous for either trail-riding or using the trailer. As expected, it contributed to a tailspin on my part. But then Jen came on Saturday, volunteering to hand walk the boys with me. She came bearing gifts: Homemade cookies for the boys. They looked so yummy I was tempted to snag one. Of course, the boys are in love with her! Both Chambord and Remy were quite "spicy" (Jen's way of saying "full of it") during the walk but it was fun. Afterwards all four boys enjoyed cookies, and the humans warmed up with tea and delicious muffins. It seems it takes a village to provide us with sustenance: Stephanie sent me wonderful herbal tea from Germany, Angie gave me her yummy gluten free pumpkin muffins, and the boys delighted in Jen's baking.
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| Teamwork: Claudia's recipe, Jen's baking, and the guys enjoying 😋 |
Today we are under a winter weather advisory and it has been snowing incessantly all day. I came across a post from Keystone Equine (keystoneequine.net) that couldn't have been more appropriate or timely, and it really put things in perspective for me:
"Seasons and reasons…
It has taken me most of my life, through seasons of depression and dread, to truly understand myself. I have learned that while spring, summer and autumn are for my horses… winter is just for me.
My country is a land of blasting wind and inhospitable temperatures from early November until late April. It is not unheard of to experience snowfall in every month of the year. Today, I have watched the sun climb reluctantly over our big hill at 9:30 this morning and disappear again behind the Rockies, a few short hours later, at 4:30 in the afternoon. With temps reaching below the minus thirties, skin freezes instantly. Our faces burn and our eyes feel dry. It becomes difficult to focus.
I have not always done well in this environment.
I have had to make peace with the fact that, for many months, my horses’ schooling and fitness will suffer. Instead of saying that I am falling behind, I now call it ‘turnout’. This is the time for them to recharge and remember the spirit in which God made them. I have had to remind myself that my garden, too, needs time to replenish her roots and get ready for her coming splendour.
I have had to learn that all of my passions do not begin and end with warm weather!
This one has been hard, for in fact, they secretly do… but I am learning to love taking short snow-blown walks with cavorting dogs. I have even embraced a new sport, by trying traditional skijoring behind my quietest and most accommodating horses. I cannot and never have been able to ski but no matter. It has surprised me to find that I can still be silly and have fun. In adulting responsibly, I had somehow forgotten how.
I have learned that there is satisfaction in the doing of the day’s chores, of thawing frozen water lines, of getting the cold truck started for the icy trip to town. Oh, that I may never forget the satisfaction of horses feeding, after opening a beautiful, homegrown bale of hay.
I have learned that much of my depression has been the by product of today’s modern diet. Processed foods relying on chemicals, added sugars and all manner of unpronounceable ingredients, have had me reliant on other means to cope with the fallout of eating things that do not promote life. So much of what I have swallowed has fostered unwellness.
I have lived too many years, thinking that I would do anything to lose weight… except look after myself.
I have learned that this dark, long season is the one where I take long baths, make wholesome soups and stews brimful with root vegetables, do some mending or making. I remember that wellness lies in creating and resting, in looking after myself for a change. I organize neglected closets and old photos, taking the time to order some prints to frame. I can gaze at these happy moments from summers past and when I do, I allow myself to dream. I stop shaming myself about wanting—and then, taking—the nap.
I turn off the things with screens and I read. Real books with covers to crack open and pages to turn. Some of us have somehow forgotten about the quiet meditation of reading, along the way.
Every winter, I try to repaint a room. This is not a chore to cross off a long list but a fun way to try on a colour I hadn’t thought of, to brighten my horizons, to have me see my home with fresh eyes. I fill boxes with things I no longer cherish, sending them on to the charity shop, for others to enjoy. This one simple act of service is a powerful antidepressant on days when my hope is flagging.
Winter is the time when I make the dental and medical appointments to head off the bad surprises that threaten us all as we age. With chin held high, I resolutely make my way to the free screening clinics where I am squished, squeezed, poked and prodded in the hopes of an all-clear. I find that during the hurly-burly of warm weather, I can’t spare the time or be bothered to do this essential act of self care. It can be an exhausting thing, worrying through the night that I may be harbouring another illness. I am learning to do better, promising myself that above all, I deserve to know what’s going on.
Seasons and reasons. They remind me that sharp weather is actually my quiet time to rebuild and heal. This dark thing that has had me withdrawing from and fearing winter, has taken me years to learn how to handle. Like a challenging horse, I cannot master her with force… but with calmness, faith and understanding.
Winter is my time to listen." - Keystone Equine
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