Sticking the big toe into the water - is the temperature right?

A German analogy for checking out something: "Den grossen Zeh ins Wasser stecken" - meaning 'Sticking the big toe into the water to gauge if the bathwater is just right, not too hot and not too cold'.

That's exactly what I did today, not with the bathwater, but with my leg and also with the horses. The Orthopedic Surgeon told me that I'm good to go if I can walk at least two miles without pain. So I took Max and Jaas for a brisk walk into the woods. Good news: I can do it! (Admittedly, with some occasional complaints from my leg, but no major revolt).

Then I thoroughly shocked Saumur and messed up his daily routine: I took him out of the pasture for a thorough grooming, and -gasp- a longing session. Saumur: "What the heck happened to MY vacation??" Me: "You've been longer on vacation than any European I know!". That (and the ample supply of cookies) did it, and Saumur actually had a lot of  fun showing off. He looked like a barely broke four-year old.

On to Teddy (aka The Pony-Man), his beer -uh- grass- belly would rival any redneck's. Teddy initially didn't think too much of a work out, either, but then he got into the swing of things. At least now he doesn't just stop and swings his hind end threateningly my way. Success! As I watched him trotting around I thought: "Hmm, should I?? Shouldn't I??"

JP caught me laying over Teddy's back to see how he would react to my weight. Teddy hasn't had a rider on him for quite some time. As Teddy didn't object, and with JPs encouragement I got on and we walked around a bit.

It was a good day for re-starting walking longer distances and also getting on a horse (OK, a pony). The bathwater was tepid today, perfect for immediate needs. But next time I will take the temperature up a notch or two!

Off with the ball and chain - and on to stretching

On Thursday I made the executive decision to get rid of the ball and chain (aka 'The Boot'). It was an act of liberation, "off it goes!" - almost akin to women taking off and burning their bras in the 1970s (?).  I'm keeping my bras, though. They are much less cumbersome and way prettier than the boot :-)

Taking a recommendation from the horse world I got a brace from 'Back on Track' (very fitting name) and it's working well. I also started Yoga again, and quickly got a painful reminder on how stiff I am. Yikes! Next week I am on vacation and the plan is to attend as many Yoga classes as I can: On to stretching those ligaments and strengthening these muscles. 

Speaking of vacation: All my colleagues as well as my boss in Europe are dropping off like flies. August is approaching fast - which means France is shutting down, a concept not many Americans can grasp: "What - 3 or 4 weeks on vacation - ALL AT ONCE???" Yep, that's how it works. 

My four-week vacation jaunts are long over, but then, I am no longer desperate to get away. If you are stuck in a small apartment in a crowded area, leaving for vacation becomes the goal. Not my case: I have what Antje calls "my little paradise" right where I am. OK, no beach in sight, but green pastures with happy and healthy horses make more than up for it. And I would be bored laying in the sun anyway (aside from given any Lobster a run for its money when it comes to color). 

Speaking of happy and healthy horses: Currently our "Threesome" (Remy, Judy, and I) ranks first in the Nation for the Morgan All-Breeds Awards at 1st level. Remy's scores all season have been well above 60%. Go Remington, go Jude.. and go catch up, Birgit!!

Dolce far niente - I could get used to this!

Yep, Ingrid, you were right – I just didn’t believe you!

When I grumbled to Ingrid about the enforced idleness she said I would be surprised on how I could get used to it and even like it. Ingrid spoke from experience, having suffered a complicated leg fracture during an exercise class. Still… Me? Like doing nothing? No way!

OK, looking back at the last weekend, I have to admit that yes, I’m starting to enjoy this: Sleeping in, shopping (bought a killer skirt, of all things!), sitting in the sun with a good book, taking a break for an ice cream run into town … hmm, not bad at all!

I’m sure Saumur agrees whole-heartedly. He’s been living the good life, too, loafing in the pastures with best friend Pony-man at his side, stuffing himself with the rich, luscious grass. If it gets too hot, he stands under the fan in the run in shed. In the evening dinner and a comfy bed are waiting, followed by a final tuck in and “Betthupferl” (bed-time treat) later at night. (That, of course, goes for all the boys).

So for the time being Saumur and I agree: “Dolce far niente” (Italian for “Delicious Idleness” or “Sweetness of doing nothing”) is not that difficult at all J!

"My leg is OK - but my head needs help"

That's exactly what I said to Glenda, when she called me to see how things are going. I've been trying to wean myself off the boot after work, and things are going well, even though there is some lingering pain.

My head (more precisely - my mind), alas, is a different issue (not surprisingly, as some close to me would chuckle). I am going through a whole gamut of emotions, doubts, "what-ifs". Aside from having developed an anxiety about getting back on I am also struggling with self-doubts and embarrassment. I mean, really, I just shouldn't have come off in front of a large crowd!

Realistically, though, I've lived a charmed riding life until now. In all the years of riding I never had a serious accident (until now, and in the big scheme of things, this is a minor nuisance compared to what could have happened). Even top professionals come off, it's part of the game, so there is really nothing to be embarrassed about. Sure, just tell that to my subconscious mind!

As obviously I am not capable to do this - enter Julie: A certified hypnotherapist who also practices energy healing. Believe me, I'm not easily sucked in the "Hokus-pokus", but having had a couple of successful sessions with Julie about a year ago, I knew she could help. During the two hour session yesterday I felt like a weight was lifting, and energy flowing through my body. The proof of course is in the pudding. Another week or so and then we'll see what happens when I'm climbing back on.

In the meantime, Remy is progressing well with Judy, and they are having fun. In order to get Remy out as much as possible we've decided on a show in Cincinnati at the beginning of August. I'll have to be the groom again: The USEF does not joke about the medical suspension, as soon as I did the online entry for Remy I got a red flag indicating that I can't enter as the rider.

My next checkup is on August 12 and it should provide the necessary 'all clear' paperwork regarding my physical condition. By then hopefully my head will be "fixed" -- Don't get your hopes up, JP, the "head fixing" only pertains to my riding :-)!

Emil puts an end to my pity party - and Step 3 is a no brainer

Right after finishing my previous blog it was time for my weekly standing appointment that's not to be missed: Call with the parents!

Emil (my dad) is often good for surprises, and today was no different. After inquiring about my leg, and knowing his daughter, my state of mind ("how's it going with your patience??") he proceeded to gleefully tell me about his latest adventure:

Emil has spend his entire life hunting, and he sure won't let three hip replacements and some crushed discs (among other things) slow him down; and by the way - age is just a number! So last night he went out into his forest. While climbing the ladder up to the tree stand a rung fairly high up broke, sending Emil crashing hard to the ground. Luckily nothing seemed broken, but he had a large gash in his leg. Two choices: Go home and face my mother (who is generally not amused by his antics) or get on with it. Easy decision: Emil rolled the pant leg up, sock down in the hopes the blood would dry (oh, yes, he also is on blood thinners), went back up the tree stand and shot a wild boar. Quote "She was way heavier than you: 60 kg!" - Gotta love the man!

After that Emil called home, said "get the first aid kit ready", loaded the 60 kg boar in the trailer... and braced himself to face my mother. :-)

And here I was, wallowing in doubts and complaining about my boot, when really step 3 is that easy: Just get on with it!!

The following quote hits the nail on the head:

"Falling down is part of life - getting back up is living"

A roller-coaster state of mind - let's get the ball and chain off!

Ah, Remy... what can I say? Good thing I'm blond so grey hair doesn't show (hopefully!) that quick.

Waterloo this weekend was quite the ride -- for me mentally. Physically I'm feeling like a convict with an iron ball chained to my leg. That's how the boot/cast feels, especially after several days of maneuvering hilly show grounds. Judy and Remy were entered for 1st3 on Friday and Saturday. On Friday Remy warmed up nicely, but the schedule got messed up and we had to hurry from the warmup to the rings only to be told to wait. Judy got the go ahead to trot around the ring, only to be pulled out because the ring steward had forgotten about the rider before her. When it was finally Judy's and Remy's turn, the kid was exhausted. He still did respectably well, especially considering the circumstances, but I know it took a lot for Judy to carry him through.

Yesterday Remy was mellow all along so we didn't expect him to become the wild man on the longe line. I told Judy I would be absolutely fine if she decided to scratch, but she soldiered on: Crowded warmup on the left - water trucks and tractors on the right - storm brewing overhead. Honestly, I was really scared for her. This is where the true professional comes in: Judy didn't give Remy a chance to 'wander', she had him focused the entire time, and rode a beautiful test that scored 68.3%. Pretty darn awesome, Jude!! (As a side note, someone in the know told us that the test scored 70% and then the judge decided it was "too high" and knocked some scores down. So much for impartial judging!!)

For me the weekend was a bit of an emotional roller-coaster ride because being relegated to spectator is so NOT my thing. I felt useless, and yes, rather left out. I'm also pondering what to do when I finally get the all clear from the doctor: Do I have the guts to risk it again? Rather shockingly to me is also that I'm having twinges of doubts - why for once can't I have an easy horse?!? Yes, that's very immature, I know... but heck, after all the years of struggle with Saumur I'm tired. OK, I'm also tired lugging around in the boot, that might have a lot to do with my current state of mind.

So, how to move on? I'll start with my own 3 Step Program:
1: Off with the ball and chain - aka The Boot!
2: Plenty of German Chocolate (good for the nerves!)
3: Figuring out the next steps :-)

There is a silver lining - and I do have some gripes

My new nickname has become  "Hoppalong"  (thanks, Jude, as always you are right on :-)) because that pretty much describes how I move. So today I hopped through the barn, annoying JP with all my unsolicited advise on how to groom and tack up Remy for Judy.

It's great to  be able to observe how Judy trains Remy. I'm a visual person and it helps me a lot to  have the correct picture in my minds eye (i.e. "He's in front of her leg, but I don't see any visible aids, this is how it should look like!"). Judy has Remy working on 2nd level exercises, like walk-canter, shoulder-in, haunches-in. The 'skipping' into the canter has stopped, and yay - Remy did some baby-half-passes today. Looking good, guys and girls! :-) This is the silver lining around the cloud of having a fractured leg: My horse is receiving the best training there is, and eventually I'll benefit from it.

Just the other day I was a bit morose and said to Judy that I should have just done what some of her other clients did - buying a FEI schoolmaster and enjoying the ride without worries about all the young horse stuff. Judy's levelheaded response "You don't need a schoolmaster, I'll help you train Remy and there you go!". That made my day!

Getting the gripes off my chest:
 (1) To the helmet manufacturer. You tout your accident replacement program, but when I filed the claim your rep told me that  I'm a few days over the three year period, hence, no dice. Come on, really? Yes, you produce wonderful helmets, and I am VERY grateful that my head is fine. But with a  bit of good will you could have gotten great publicity and kept a  repeat customer.

(2) To the strangers inquiring about my leg/air cast: Dear Stranger, I appreciate your concern, less so the curiosity, but OK, I'll tell you it was a riding accident. Be aware, though, the next person that says "Oh, like Christopher Reeve" will get hit over the head with my crutches!

Ah, now I do feel better! :-)