Yesterday it was finally warm enough (for Michigan standards, I mean) to ride. Remy, the 'energizer bunny', was showing how happy he was to get moving after 4 days of only turnout. With the frozen ground most horses are not running outside (luckily!), so all the pent up energy has to find an outlet. It was the first time that I saw Remy bucking on the longe line, nothing major, just some "I am happy to move" expressions. Still I had some doubts about getting on - remembering two recent incidents where the working students got bucked off by the exuberant youngsters. The key, of course, is to block this out, otherwise the body gets tight and the tension transfers to the horse. I admit, I started out faking it, just trying to breathe deeply and to relax my back. It did the trick, and we went to work. We finished with some good baby leg yields and turns on the forehand.
That should have set the tone for my work with Saumur, alas the sun rays were coming through the door and I felt him tense up as soon as he got a glimpse of it. From there I automatically tensed up, keeping a vice grip on him, lest he takes off with me. Saumur in turn thought something MUST be wrong based on my tension, and he reacted accordingly. Guess it's the classical "you started it - no, you did". With Sandy's help we worked through it, but I was not happy with myself, even though we were able to do a pretty cool exercise well: trot half-pass to center line, straighten, leg yield to the wall, then half-pass back to the center line. Just need to remember that less is more (aids in this case).
I talked with Sandy after the lesson and she suggested that in order for Saumur to be ready for the show season he would benefit from more rides by her. Ouch. I mean, of course, she is the much better and experienced rider/trainer, but nevertheless it spun me into the well known circle of doubts: Obviously, I am not able to give Saumur the rides he needs, we'll never get anywhere, etc. etc.
JP and I went to a late lunch (with the worst service ever, very fitting to my dark mood), and poor JP had to listen to me questioning my abilities and the whole endeavor for about the millionth time, it seems. In the end, though, talking through it helped getting me back on track (wonder when he will present the bill for his 'shrink duties'?): So what if we don't hit 4th level at the first show of the season? Or even show this season? The hitch is that I THINK I NEED to prove it to myself that I can do it. But do I really need to prove it? The answer is NO. So, here's the remedy against doubts creeping in:
Breathe deeply and relax ... or at least fake it (some wine doesn't hurt either!)
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